Written By: LJ
Special thanks to Cora for providing the storyline.
(A DP Philosophy Question posted on our WL Group: What is the worst thing your Top has ever made you swallow?)
Hi, there. My name is Thomas Josiah Cameron, better known as TJ. As soon as I read this question, I knew I would have to respond. The incident that always comes to mind whenever I think of having to painfully swallow something unpalatable took place three years ago.
Glen and I had officially been ‘a couple’ for less than six months. Mind you, back then we had not introduced discipline into our relationship, so technically I wasn’t yet a ‘Brat’ and didn’t consider Glen my ‘Top’ at the time. We’d known each other for several years, having met at university where we had shared a home with two fellow students. Although we had dated off and on throughout our university years, we’d only acknowledged our love for one another a few months ago.
Looking back, I can see where our timing might have been slightly off. We had just relocated to Calgary from the city where we had attended university. Both of us were making major adjustments in our personal lives and moving in together only added to the drama. I was trying to settle into the routine of my first job and wondering if this was where I wanted to be for the next umpteen years of my life. Glen had recently left his employment of two years with high hopes of going into business for himself as an interior designer. He was working all hours God sends and I was finding the switch from academic life to a job involving shift work rather overwhelming to say the least. We ended up having less and less time for each other and the little we did have, was a far cry from quality time.
What transpired over the next month or so, I can only believe was a result of my loneliness.
************
“I think that guy is interested in you, TJ.” Sally, one of my co-workers at the pharmacy, informed me one afternoon.
“Of course he is,” I joked, not taking her seriously. Sally is a little ditsy, but very pleasant and fun to work with.
“I mean it. This is the second time in two days that he’s been in to talk to you.”
“Sally, yesterday he came in to have a prescription filled and today he wanted more information about the possible side-effects. Those are perfectly legitimate reasons for him to be here.”
“Oh yeah! Then how come he was flirting with you?”
“You’ve got a wild imagination, girl.” I walked away rolling my eyes to the sound of her giggling.
Over the next couple of weeks this man showed up on a daily bases and always on my shift. He was friendly and even though it soon became apparent he didn’t have any real need to see a pharmacist, we seemed to find plenty to talk about. He wasn’t in a relationship at the time but was aware of Glen’s and my partnership.
One afternoon he arrived just as I was leaving work and invited me to join him for dinner. His date had cancelled at the last minute and he had reservations for two. It so happened, Glen and I had argued that morning and I really wasn’t in the mood to go home to spend another evening alone. I readily accepted his offer. It proved to be the first of many mistakes I would unwittingly make.
I began to look forward to the times I spent with Gary. Yes, that was the man’s name. I thought we were developing a friendship. We got along well, our tastes in music were similar and we both enjoyed the nightlife found at a certain gay bar we frequented. I admit I might have let the attention he paid me go to my head. Gary was a great listener and didn’t seem to mind me bending his ear with tales of woe concerning my personal life. He sympathetically responded to my complaints of having to spend so much time on my own, of the increasing number of arguments Glen and I were having, and of how desperately I was missing the man I loved. It never crossed my mind for one second that I was being set up.
Things finally came to a head one Saturday, when Glen informed me he didn’t want me hanging around the bar so often. He reminded me of other areas in our lives that were in need of attention. He neglected to tell me our relationship was our most important responsibility.
Disappointed in him for not promising to put me first, I turned and verbally assaulted him. I can’t express how deeply I regret some of the mean, spiteful words that spewed out of my mouth. I told him about Gary; deliberately allowing him to believe our friendship was more than it was and I would be welcomed at Gary’s place. I demanded a pledge that he would spend more time with me or I would move out. He didn’t accept my challenge. He explained his chosen role to be my partner, not my keeper. He also told me of his desire to work less and have more time for us, but couldn’t one hundred percent guarantee it. Ignoring the hurt in his eyes and keeping my own pain hidden, I walked out on the man I soon came to realize I loved more than life itself.
“What’s up, gorgeous?” Gary flippantly asked as he sat down on the barstool next to mine. I had been trying unsuccessfully to drown my sorrows.
I started to tell him about the events leading up to me being in my present condition, when it suddenly hit me through my alcohol-induced stupor that gone was the amicable, sympathetic friend with whom I had shared some rather intimate information. The stranger sitting beside me had a self-satisfied smirk on his face.
To make a long pathetic story short, Gary took pleasure in telling me how he had seen me many weeks ago in this very bar. He told me of asking if anyone knew anything about me. He had at first been disheartened to hear I was in a relationship but had happily accepted a bet on whether or not he could chase and catch me. To say I was disillusioned would be an understatement. The only satisfaction I came away with was the knowledge of Gary’s failure and subsequent disappointment, to make me fall in love with him. I had only wanted his friendship.
It was while I watched him walk away that the sobering realization of my having nowhere to go returned. My God, what had I done? I certainly didn’t want to go home to my parents. I briefly considered visiting some old friends in BC, but Jayson had recently acquired a partner and Rowan was off on another of his endless rounds of business trips. Besides, I knew there was only one place I really wanted to be and that was with Glen.
‘Maybe if I crawled on my hands and knees he’d let me come back,’ were my thoughts as I left the bar and headed for what I hoped would still be my home.
************
Glen didn’t do that though…make me crawl, I mean. He isn’t made that way. He did, however, expect a very sincere apology and he was fully aware of how difficult it would be for me to admit just how much I regretted what I had said and done. I am a very proud man. In fact, Glen has often mentioned me having too much false pride for my own good. It was this false pride he made me swallow; and be assured, it leaves one hell of an after-taste.
The End.
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